Seven Years Ago . . .

I awoke to the sound of the phone ringing.
"Hello?"
"The baby's gone."
"What?"
"They can't find the heartbeat. Savannah's gone."

There are a million things that go through your mind at that moment, and none of them belong there or make sense. There is an overwhelming urge to "do something" - call for help, scream, pray, negotiate, demand. None of which feels like the appropriate response.

Jennifer had gotten up early to go to the Doctor's office. 36 weeks, this was most likely the last visit before the delivery. Everything had been normal during the visit; they'd talked about the delivery date and everything.

"Do you want to hear the heartbeat before you go?"

Such an innocent question. What mother wouldn't jump at any chance to hear their baby's heartbeat. In hindsight, such an ironic question. We would have given anything, everything we had to hear that heart beating before we left that office.

There was no "movie scene" of weeping and wailing. There was surprisingly little emotional reaction. We were numb. This wasn't happening. What were we supposed to do next? The delivery was scheduled for two days later. Two days! Two days of shambling around like zombies looking for something we were supposed to do.

We weren't supposed to be doing any of it. We were supposed to be finishing her room, planning the Labor Day festivities, getting the boys ready to take care of their little sister; Not talking to funeral homes; Not buying burial plots; Not going through a full delivery with no expectation of joy - our Savannah Joy.

Oddly enough there were some lighter moments during this difficult time. My sister Angie asked our, then 86 year old, father, "Why are you crying? You'll see her before any of the rest of do!" Our neighbor Susan, a maternity nurse, gave us such good advice to preserve Savannah's memory. The Inkley's Photo manager who sacrificed her time on a Holiday weekend so that we could have photographs of Savannah at the graveside service. My friends I sang with, now singing for us, "Precious Lord, Take My Hand." Our church leader introducing himself as "Savannah's Bishop" at the funeral.

Grief is like a sad movie that makes you cry every time you watch it. If you watch it enough times, you cry less even though the movie is still sad. We gather every year at her grave and release balloons to remind us that she isn't in the grave but up in heaven, watching us, and waiting for that joyful reunion when our family will be whole again.

In Loving Memory

Book Review - Terry Pratchett's Nation

I just finished reading Terry Pratchett's Nation and I have to say it was quite an enjoyable read. I've posted both the U.S. cover (the shipwreck) and the U.K cover (the really cool one with the silhouette) so you can easily identify the book when you run out to buy it on my recommendation. Aside: Why do U.S. publishers tend to go with inferior artwork on our books? I have been disappointed on numerous occasions to find that I prefer the U.K. cover art to the U.S. cover art on books I have purchased. Anyway, enough of that, where was I? Oh yes. I first heard of Terry Pratchett when someone said to me, in response to a particularly corny pun, "I bet you love Terry Pratchett." A ringing endorsement if ever I heard one. Shortly thereafter, one of my favorite authors, Patrick Rothfuss, posted a glowing review of Nation on his blog, which sealed the deal. I doubt Nation is representative of Pratchett's body of work, given the sheer number of Discworld books, but I would read more of his books based on the quality of this one.

Nation takes place on a parallel Earth where things have developed differently in some aspects but are the same in other aspects. Pratchett refers to the parallel world concept as "The great big multiple-universes get-out-of-jail-free card." I will admit that as a plot device in Stargate SG-1, and Star Trek (you name it) and even loosely in the "Who shot J.R.?" season of Dallas the parallel world idea kinda pisses me off, but in Nation it works for me.

There is nothing in Nation that is overly complex. I have recommended it to my kids to read. However, the book actually provides a vehicle for some very complex subjects; if you wish to spend time contemplating them. Subjects such as faith, tradition, science, leadership, good and evil are all given some analysis and character development within the story that unfolds.

With its island setting, the book brought back memories of reading Call it Courage and Island of the Blue Dolphins when I was young. I loved the adventurous nature of those books and the "what would I do in that situation?" thoughts that they inspired. I would put Nation in the same category, but at my advanced age (well beyond the age of 10 when I read Call it Courage), I resonate more with the deeper contexts in Nation that just weren't present in the other adventure books I read.

I know I haven't said much about the story and that's on purpose. I don't like book reviews (or movie reviews) that divulge the entire plot. (Unless they hated the movie/book, in the which case they just saved me a ten-spot or more) So, because I liked Nation I'll let you read it yourself to discover what the plot is. Or you can search on-line for someone else's review that reveals the whole story.

Jam Session

My new years celebration was pretty fun this year. After staying up late and getting silly with a bunch of friends, I got up this morning and went to an impromptu jam session hosted by my brother-in-law, Greg Bee. His brother has a warehouse/office building and has converted part of the warehouse into a stage/party room/garage. We played for several hours. My hands were cramping because I play my guitar less often than I write on my blog. Anyway, Greg's wife Cindy blogged about it and has some more pictures on her site. However she seems to have a thing for the drummer so there is only one pic with me in it. (That's me on the far right if you can't tell) Hope everyone else got a chance to have some fun to start the year off right. Happy 2009 everyone.